New blog coming soon

So as a lot of people are now well aware, my friend and I have booked one way tickets to Vietnam in June. This was in the pipeline for a couple of months and we finally bit the bullet and bought the tickets! I know It will come around fast, I already have a countdown on my phone. 120 days people! Anyway when we start this adventure we will be backpacking on a budget and therefore we will be creating a shared blog of our investments, adventures and experiences of the time we spend travelling South East Asia. So please when I share the new link, check it out. You will not be disappointed I promise.

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She’s a soul searcher

Now I wouldn’t blame this on anyone but myself, just jokes actually I would, but does anyone else get to the point every single time they get in a relationship where you no longer recognize yourself? This is me every time, and while it is partly the other persons fault for suppressing my true self. It is also my fault because I like to get so involved in my partners being on all levels that I forget my wants, needs, goals, everything even music taste! It’s crazy. Now that I am on my own path again and doing what I have so long desired, well taking the first steps at this stage; it has really hit home that I’m starting this finding myself all over again thing for the THIRD time in my young adult life. I’m glad for this time though, because this time it is the full shebang of soul searching awareness. I know that this time will be THE TIME that I know my full self inside and out. I really can’t wait to be at the point where my soul has grown and opened to all possibilities. This is when my future will broaden and my soul mate will enter, and in that moment I know I will always have the joy of keeping my true self forever as well as another person. All in good faith and time. But first I want to experience everything in order to open my third eye and my soul. This is going to be the greatest of all self healers.

A letter to my lover

I hope you understand my decision. I know it’s not the decision you were hoping for and I know that you had a feeling that I was going to make this decision even though you didn’t want me too.

Thank you for not stopping me. By your non interference I can tell that you want me to be happy even if it doesn’t make you happy. But you will be one day soon I promise. I will be too.

Always you will have a place in my soul, maybe our paths will cross again when we are healed and ready. Maybe they won’t. I trust that fate will guide us to the paths that we need to take.

My heart lies with you but my soul is yearning for travel and we must listen to our souls as they are the ones to guide us with pure intent. Our soul wants what is good for us.

Clean and pure and nourishing. The desire to feel animated, important, awe inspiring and knowledgeable is the things taking me on this journey.

May our futures be bold and bright and full of happiness one way or another.

You are you and I am I.

For my heart.

Fate did so much to keep us in each other’s lives any way possible for the last three years. From the moment we started talking it all just fell in to place.

Now I feel like it’s time for us to step up to the plate and show fate that we have control of our future together, now. We have overcome so many obstacles and been as stubborn as anything. From here on out it should be easier if only a little, shouldn’t it?

It does not grow fonder

It washes over me often this feeling of sick gut wrenching sorrow. I just wallow in it, on nights like tonight when I’m all alone and the world feels as if it’s disowning me. My heart aches for something that is no longer, for something that I can’t control. If only I could control the feeling, control myself, control everything surrounding the pain. It doesn’t get easier each time like they tell you, you just get better at pretending it’s easier. My soul aches less each day, but each day is passing by slower and slower. The worst thing about this is not the ache in my heart itself, it’s the knowledge that I was worth nothing to you after everything. Just chuck me away like a piece of trash and wait for me to be washed away along with every other wasted attempt at love and meaningless action. I wish I could close it off, I wish I could never think again of your name or your eyes. When the day does come where I can go a few days in a row without a thought of you then I’ll know we were never meant to be, but for now let fate decide our deliverance. Just let me be. Please.